November 21, 2010
I was hospitalized last week. It was the first time I ever had to stay overnight in a hospital. The care was great by the standards that you would judge hospital care. But the experience reinforced that old adage that when you have your health you have everything.
Of course, from what I’ve heard others say I expected the food to be terrible. But it wasn’t bad. Really. Especially if you like oatmeal. Understandably, roommates can also be tough. You can get a loud one or a moaner. He could be a tv fanatic and love to watch all those horrific daytime shows. But my roommate was a pleasant and quiet guy from Worcester who never watched tv and actually knew my brother-in-law from high school about fifty years ago. The nurses can be annoying I’ve been told due to their frequent visits to check vital signs, draw blood, etc. But my nurses were a succession of young, perky, and attractive women that I couldn’t wait to see. Want to take my blood pressure again? Sure. Listen to my lungs? Absolutely! And by the way what’s that perfume you’re wearing? Now I’m not saying it was like being at a spa, but it definitely could have been worse. Like I wish I had a small light so that I could have read during the night without disturbing my roommate. Instead I did mental arithmetic problems. (I kid you not.) Which, I discovered, after about ten minutes lose their fascination. And if there is one thing I could recommend to hospitals, it is this: offer patients an ass massage. Charge extra for it if you want. Lying in bed for three or four days can make your ass feel like a piece of roughly hewn wood. Having someone turn you over and rub aloe cream on your ass would be a pleasure beyond words. At least that’s what I kept fantasizing about.
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