The Sporadic Diary

October 3, 2010

"You don't put the bagels into a freezer bag while they are still hot," the store manager of The Bagel Store admonished one of his staff as he was about to ring up my order.  "That will ruin them."

"But he asked me too," pled the staffer nodding toward me.

"You didn't start working here today, did you?" fired back the manager, effectively ending the argument.

I felt bad I got the eager-to-please staffer in trouble and, also sensing a slight reddening in my cheeks, felt as guilty that I did not know proper bagel bagging protocol after all these years.

I don't go to New York City for the bagels.  But it would be a justifiable reason.  They are simply that good.  And one of my treasured spots to get resupplied is the aforementioned The Bagel Store on Bedford Avenue in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn.  My daughter lives in that part of town and is a regular at this local eatery, where the clientele is as diverse as the bagels.       

The bagel is such a simple thing, yet so many get it so wrong.  Strong flavor and a hard crust are essential attributes for me.  This sounds trite, but somehow this formula, as basic as one plus one equals two, eludes most bagel makers.

It's hard not to get a good bagel in New York, while outside New York just the opposite is true.  I haven't lived in New York since the mid 1970s, and I can count on one hand the number of places outside of New York that have sold a good bagel.  One was called The Bronx Bagel, which inexplicably turned up and operated for about six years in my current town of Westborough, Massachusetts when my older girls were in high school.  Its odd appearance and sudden disappearance makes me wonder if the whole thing was just a mirage.  But it wasn't, and temporarily at least we noshed on fine bagels at a store whose main attraction was named after my hometown.

It was in the Bronx that I came to really appreciate a good bagel and various breads too.  And where I learned that the harder the crust, the better.  I often now say that, if the crust of a bagel or loaf of bread does not lacerate my gums while chewing, then, well, what was the point.

I hammered home this observation on a business trip about fifteen years ago.  I was traveling with Miriam, a Jewish friend from work, and sitting in a three seat section of our plane we got into a conversation about the bagels in our respective towns.  Miriam lived in Newton and claimed with some cause that her town's shop produced the best bagels around.  I countered with The Bronx Bagel and so we argued until we agreed to swap a dozen bagels that week and do a taste test.  (For those interested, after we finished off the other's cache we called it a draw.)

But our give and take prompted the third member of our conjoined seats to introduce himself and tell us that he was a salesman at Dunkin' Donuts, the ubiquitous coffee and donut chain in the Northeast.  Clearly having eavesdropped on us, he explained that Dunkin' Donuts was planning to launch a bagel of its own and, in fact, he had some samples in his case.  He asked if we'd try some and give him our opinions, obviously recognizing that he had a pair of connoisseurs at his disposal.  We quickly agreed and the next thing we knew we were sharing several varieties of Dunkin' Donuts soon to be released entry into the morning foods market.

It only took a bite or two for both Miriam and me to pan these awful excuses for bagels to the utter astonishment of the salesman.  He was dumbfounded and explained how well the bagels had done in various consumer tests.  "Really?" we questioned.  "Who were these consumers?  Had they had their taste buds surgically removed earlier in life?"  Miriam was especially irate, getting more and more animated with each "and another thing" statement.  At one point I thought she was going to hit the poor bastard.

With the two of us still railing, the salesman beat a hasty retreat to the restroom where no doubt he fought to regain his composure.  I don't recall that he returned to his assigned seat, perhaps opting for a safer location within the plane.

Of course, Dunkin' Donuts eschewed our advice and went ahead anyway and launched its bagel offering, which years later is still a highly successful item on the menu.  Only another indication of the demise of our society and the growing depravity of man.